Avoiding Bitterness and Anger in Your Divorce

 Posted on January 30, 2017 in Divorce

When you are going the process of ending your marriage, you will experience a wide range of emotions. In fact, many mental health professionals sometimes compare the psychological impact of a divorce to that of the death of a loved one, with obvious differences. Too often, however, a divorcing couple will allow anger and bitterness to overshadow all of the other emotions which can result in an even more difficult divorce. It is possible to limit the negative feelings during the process but doing so does require a little bit of work.

Decide in Advance

One of the most important things you can do to prevent anger and bitterness from controlling your divorce is to make a conscious decision to remain positive as much as possible. Commit to your future and that of your children rather than dwelling on the past. If you can keep negativity in check during the divorce process, you will be better equipped to make good decisions along the way. Focus on results and you will be more likely to obtain a favorable outcome.

Give Yourself an Outlet

No matter how hard you try to stay positive, you are probably going to have some days that are worse than others. The bitterness will not go away because you say it should. Instead, you will need to find avenues to channel and diffuse your anger. Consider keeping a journal that will allow you to express your feelings without them bleeding into your divorce proceedings. Perhaps a new hobby that involves physical exertion would be helpful—joining a gym, for example, and actually going. Allow yourself to experience the negative emotions, then deal with them rather than letting them taint your divorce.

Take Responsibility

Making a marriage work requires consistent effort from both spouses, but it is unlikely that your spouse caused your relationship to breakdown all on his or her own. There is a good chance that your actions or inaction contributed to the end of the marriage as well. Acknowledging this fact can help you move forward with a more positive attitude, as it shifts your focus from blaming your spouse to finding a solution. Accepting responsibility for your role can also help you find closure as you move forward.

Choose Your Battles and Be Flexible

If you decide to stand and fight over every little detail in your divorce, you will never escape your anger and bitterness. Instead, choose the things that truly matter the most and let the smaller things go. Also, keep in mind that your spouse is also likely to be experiencing many of the same emotions that you are. Offer him or her the same considerations you would expect to receive. Be kind, courteous, and forgiving, especially over minor issues and inconveniences.

Seek Legal Guidance

In addition to providing qualified representation, your divorce lawyer can effectively serve as a buffer between you and your spouse and can help you talk through your emotions. While your lawyer is not a therapist, he or she can at least prevent your feelings from guiding your decision-making regarding the legal aspects of divorce. To learn more, contact an experienced Kane County divorce attorney. Call 630-584-4800 for a free consultation at Goostree Law Group today.

Sources:

http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/coping-with-divorce-related-anger

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marina-sbrochi/signs-you-make-your-divor_b_3474982.html