Eight Lies You Tell Yourself During Divorce

 Posted on May 25, 2018 in Divorce

Lying to others in order to gain an advantage during your divorce is unethical and, in some cases, illegal. However, believing your own lies may ultimately be more emotionally damaging to you. People can lie to themselves for different reasons. Some lies are a defense mechanism to protect yourself from an uncomfortable truth. Other lies are your own insecurities trying to manifest themselves as truths. There are several lies that people commonly convince themselves of when they are going through a divorce:

1. My Spouse Is the Only One to Blame for the Divorce: First, it could be that no one was to blame for the divorce. Second, divorce usually occurs because both sides made mistakes.
2. I Will Never Get Married Again: This statement can be either your desire or your fear. However, you cannot predict whether you will meet someone new and fall in love again.
3. I Feel No Grief Over the End of My Marriage: Some sadness and regret will likely strike you during or after your divorce. It is natural and healthy to mourn the end of a relationship, even a bad one.
4. I Can Never Be Happy Again Without Marriage: Divorce gives you a chance to discover ways to be happy that do not depend on a romantic relationship. You will find things you enjoy doing on your own or with a group of friends.
5. A Win for My Spouse During Negotiations Is a Loss for Me: Couples often compromise during divorce negotiations so that both sides can benefit. Giving your spouse what he or she wants in one part of the settlement should allow you to receive something you want in another part of the settlement.
6. I Am the Only One Who Loves Our Children: Both parents love their children but may have different ways of expressing it. You want your children to have a loving relationship with their other parent.
7. My Children Must Hate Me for Getting Divorced: Your children may be angry, upset, scared or depressed about your divorce. They still love you and need your support to deal with this difficult change.
8. I Have Ruined My Children’s Lives: Children of divorce are at risk of long-lasting emotional damage, but most still develop into healthy adults. You must watch your children for signs of distress and provide help as needed.

Honest Outlook

Lying to yourself may comfort you, but it will not help you in negotiating a fair divorce settlement. It will also make it more difficult to emotionally recover from your divorce. A Kane County divorce attorney at Goostree Law Group will give you honest expectations for how your divorce will be settled. To schedule a free consultation, call 630-584-4800.

Source:

http://www.divorcemag.com/blog/tips-for-putting-down-lies-and-fear-during-divorce