Five Ways Your Resentment Can Undermine Your Divorce

 Posted on October 05, 2017 in Divorce

Your emotions can be one of your greatest adversaries during a divorce. It is common to feel anger and resentment towards your spouse when deciding to divorce, but those emotions are counterproductive when trying to reach a settlement. Though divorce is personal, you should try to keep your divorce negotiations impersonal. Here are five ways your emotions can work against you during a divorce:

1. Refusing to Negotiate: Sometimes our anger leads us to avoid the people we are mad at. After a contentious breakup, you may dread the thought of having to negotiate your divorce settlement with your spouse. However, refusing to negotiate takes away your power to decide how to divide your marital properties and allocate your parental responsibilities. Instead, a judge will make those important decisions for you, without the intimate knowledge of your best interests.
2. Public Attacks: When you are feeling angry towards your spouse, it may be satisfying to vent your frustrations to friends. Social media has made this easier and more public than before. Publicly attacking your spouse makes you look bad and increases tensions, which may hinder negotiation efforts.
3. Continuing Old Arguments: Your divorce negotiations should focus on practical matters you need to settle. Your resentment may instead divert you into an argument about the factors that caused your divorce. When you have reached the negotiation stage of the divorce, it is counterproductive to continue these arguments. The time for discussing why you are divorcing has already passed.
4. Hostile Attitude: You must advocate for your interests during your divorce negotiations and stand firm on the issues that are most important to you. However, there is a difference between having conviction and being combative. If you are arguing every aspect of the negotiations, your resentment may be controlling you instead of rational thought. You are wasting time and energy by fighting over issues that could be settled quickly.
5. Vindictive Motivation: Your best interests should guide your decisions during your divorce negotiations, not your spite towards your spouse. A decision that is only meant to hurt your spouse may have no benefit to you. Instead, your vindictiveness may blind you to an option that would result in a better outcome for you. You also risk hurting your children when you make spiteful decisions.

Calming Force

Putting aside your emotions during your divorce can be difficult to do alone. A Kane County divorce attorney with Goostree Law Group can provide guidance that is based on your best interests and not your personal resentment. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.liveabout.com/things-you-should-never-do-before-during-and-after-divorce-1102731