Give Teens a Say in Post-Divorce Holiday Plans

 Posted on December 17, 2018 in Child Custody

Teenagers can react differently to their first holiday season after a divorce than a younger child will. Younger children are more open about feeling sad or upset, while teenagers may try to suppress their emotions so as not to create turmoil. As a result, they may seem disinterested and unenthusiastic about the holidays but are actually upset and possibly angry. You need to approach your teenager differently than you would a young child when deciding on how to handle parenting time during the holidays.

Making Decisions

Teenagers generally seek more independence as they near adulthood. A divorce forces a change upon them, taking away their ability to control their family lives. They may feel like they cannot decide how and with whom they will celebrate the holidays. You can give them a sense of control by talking to them before deciding:

• Which holiday traditions you will continue;
• Whether you will create new holiday traditions; and
• Who they will get to see on a specific holiday, such as Christmas.

You should consider their requests but set boundaries for what is reasonable. For instance, what your teen may want the most is for you to celebrate Christmas together with your former spouse as if you are still married. You understand how difficult this would be for both of you and how the tension could lead to a confrontation. If your teen wants to see both of you that day, you can come up with other solutions that involve you or your teen traveling.

Do Not Be Pushy

You want your teenagers to enjoy the holidays, but trying too hard to do so can make them withdraw further. Teenagers have a right to feel sad or angry about how the divorce has affected their holiday. By pushing him or her to enjoy the holidays, your teen may feel like you are denying his or her emotions. He or she may respond by openly rejecting you or feigning happiness in order to appease you. You should acknowledge that this holiday season is different because of your divorce and encourage your teen to be honest about his or her emotions. This may mean giving your teen space and allowing him or her to spend time with friends instead of family.

Contact a Kane County Family Law Attorney

Holiday parenting schedules are tricky to balance in a way that makes both parents and children happy. A St. Charles, Illinois, family law lawyer at Goostree Law Group can help you negotiate your holiday parenting time. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.familycircle.com/teen/how-get-through-holidays-teens-after-divorce/