How Can I Help My Children Cope with the Divorce?

 Posted on March 13, 2025 in Divorce

Divorce can bring on a wide range of emotions, especially for children. They may feel confused, anxious, or even responsible for the changes in their family. While Illinois law prioritizes the best interests of the child when determining custody and parenting time, this cannot provide the full emotional support children need during this transition. As a parent, you play a crucial role in helping your children adjust and feel secure in this new chapter of life. If you are going through a divorce, an Illinois family law attorney can help protect your parental rights while making sure your children's well-being remains the top priority.

What Does Illinois Law Say About Children in Divorce?

Under the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA), courts will review multiple elements when determining parenting time and parental responsibilities. These include factors like each parent's ability to provide a stable home, the child’s relationship with both parents, and the child’s wishes if he or she is old enough to express them. The goal is to create a parenting plan that provides consistency and emotional support for the child.

How Should I Talk to My Children About the Divorce?

Honest and age-appropriate communication can help ease your child's fears. Choose a calm setting to explain the situation, focusing on how family life will change rather than the reasons for the divorce.

Younger children may need reassurance that they are not responsible for the divorce. Older children may have more complex emotions, including anger or sadness. Encourage them to ask questions, express their feelings, and let them know it is okay to be upset.

Most importantly, avoid speaking negatively about the other parent. Children should not feel pressured to take sides or mediate conflicts. Keeping the conversation positive and focused on their well-being can help reduce stress.

How Can I Provide Emotional Stability for My Children?

Divorce disrupts routines, but maintaining consistency in daily life can provide comfort. Regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and school schedules can help children feel more secure.

You should also be attentive to your children’s emotional needs. Some may act out, while others may withdraw. If your child struggles to express his or her feelings, consider going to professional counseling. 

What Actions Should I Avoid?

Certain behaviors can make the transition harder for children. It is beneficial to not engage in particular actions, such as:

• Using children as messengers between you and the other parent

• Making children feel like they must choose sides

• Unnecessarily disrupting your children’s routine

• Ignoring your children’s emotions

How Can I Help My Child Adjust to Two Homes?

For many children, adjusting to living in two homes is one of the biggest challenges after divorce. Children need reassurance that they are still part of a loving family, even if their parents live in separate households. To make the transition smoother:

• Keep important belongings in both homes 

• Create consistency by setting similar expectations for bedtime, schoolwork, and screen time

• Let your child talk about their experiences in both homes without guilt or pressure

Contact a Kane County, IL Divorce Lawyer

Helping your children cope with divorce requires emotional support, clear communication, and stability. A St. Charles, IL divorce attorney can help protect your rights while ensuring a smooth transition for your family. We also provide divorce coaching services, with a certified coach working alongside our lawyers to help you achieve your goals and prepare for life after divorce. For legal guidance, contact Goostree Law Group at 630-584-4800 for a free consultation.