How to Help Your Adult Children Deal With Your Divorce

 Posted on September 10, 2020 in Children and Divorce

When you think of divorce, you might picture a family with younger children who will have to shift from household to household for the rest of their childhood. However, while a divorce can be hard on children who are still growing up, it can also be difficult for adults whose parents are splitting up.

Most of the time, when a couple who has adult children gets divorced, they are ending a marriage that has lasted for years, or maybe even decades. Divorcing after a long marriage can be difficult for both the couple and the rest of the family, due to increased financial issues and the amount of history and memories made together. If you are a parent of adult children, and you and your spouse are getting a divorce, here are a few ways that you can help your children cope with this major life change.

Time the Announcement Right

Once you realize that you are definitely getting a divorce, and there is no turning back, you should begin to think about how you are going to break the news to your family. An announcement as big as this should come directly from you, not from another family member who heard it first. In some cases, you may want to gather all of your children together to let them know about your divorce, but this may not always be feasible due to busy schedules or because you live in different geographical areas. In any case, you will want to have an adult conversation where you can inform each child about the end of your marriage, answer their questions, and ensure that they understand what is happening in your life.

Be Honest With Them

Sugarcoating your marital issues is common when you are explaining your divorce to younger children. A 9-year-old child does not need to know that you are getting divorced because you or your spouse have been unfaithful. While it is up to you to decide how much detail you will give your adult children, it is usually advisable to be truthful with them. They are adults and can probably understand the situation, at least to an extent, especially if they are married themselves. However, you do not want to use them as a substitute for a therapist or attempt to win them over to your “side.” Instead, simply offer the best explanations that you can and make sure they know that your relationship with them will not change.

Validate Their Feelings

Perhaps the biggest issue for adult children of divorcing parents is the belief that their feelings are often not given the weight and importance that they deserve. It does not matter if your children are 8 or 38 — they are still going to feel a sense of loss and sadness when your marriage ends. The best thing you can do for them is to acknowledge their feelings and assure them that they will still have you as their parent, even if you and your spouse are no longer together.

Contact a Kane County Family Law Attorney for Guidance

Getting a divorce at any point in time is difficult, but it can be especially hard when you end your marriage later in life. Even if you do not have to worry about parenting time or child support for your adult children, you will need to face a variety of other complex legal, financial, and personal issues. As you embark on the process of ending your marriage, seek help from an experienced St. Charles divorce lawyer. At Goostree Law Group, we can provide you with the legal representation you need and assist you in securing a positive outcome, regardless of the challenges you may be facing. Call our office today at 630-584-4800 to schedule a free consultation.

Sources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/24/fashion/weddings/never-too-old-to-hurt-from-parents-divorce.html

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-adult-children-of-divorce-find-their-voice