Recovering When Infidelity Leads to Divorce

 Posted on September 19, 2019 in Divorce

Part of your recovery during and after your divorce is moving past the emotions that led to divorce. Unfortunately, acts of infidelity can be difficult to reconcile. If your spouse had an affair during your marriage, you may feel hurt and spiteful towards them. It is unhealthy to let spite drive your decisions during divorce because creating a divorce agreement is not about punishing a cheating spouse. You should focus on reaching an agreement with your spouse that benefits you. If you are a co-parent after a divorce, holding a grudge against your former spouse may impede your ability to make decisions that are in the best interest of your children. Healing from an affair may take time, but you can start the process with these steps:

1. Honestly Assess Your Marriage: Learning about your spouse’s affair may have directly led to your decision to divorce, but that does not make it the sole cause of your divorce. It is possible that your marriage was already in danger due to a lack of communication and trust. Divorce may have eventually happened, regardless of whether your spouse had an affair.
2. Do Not Play the Blame Game: It is natural to blame your spouse for their affair, though some people also blame themselves. Blaming someone for the divorce is counterproductive to the divorce process and to your emotional health. Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, meaning that spouses can claim only irreconcilable differences as the reason for their divorce. Once you have decided to divorce, the blame is irrelevant.
3. Move Beyond the Victim Label: Your spouse chose to be unfaithful during your marriage, knowing that it would hurt you if you found out. However, labeling yourself as a victim is telling yourself that you are powerless against your spouse’s actions. Divorcing means your spouse no longer defines who you are and how you live.

Contact a Kane County Divorce Lawyer

As difficult as it is to believe now, you may eventually forgive your former spouse for their affair. You will be the one who benefits the most from that forgiveness because you are releasing yourself from the pain of the affair. However, you cannot force forgiveness and are unlikely to reach that point during your divorce, when the pain is still fresh. A divorce coach can help you channel your emotions into positive and constructive action. Goostree Law Group has an in-house divorce coach that works with our St. Charles, Illinois, divorce attorneys in providing comprehensive divorce services. Schedule a free consultation by calling 630-584-4800.

Source:

https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/divorce-recovery-infidelity