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How a Divorce Coach Can Improve Your Divorce
Divorce is more than a logistical process that determines who gets what properties and how you share responsibility for your children. For you, it is an emotional and personal process that will at times make you feel uncertain about your life and your future. Divorce is a new and frightening experience for most people, and it can be helpful to have someone who is knowledgeable to guide you through the process. That is why a growing number of divorcees find it empowering to have a divorce coach.
What Is a Divorce Coach?
A divorce coach is a professional who works with divorce clients on handling their emotional concerns and guides them towards being a constructive part of the divorce process. A divorce coach is part of your divorce team that includes your attorney. Divorce coaching has grown as a profession in recent decades, and there are programs that train divorce coaches how to handle real-life scenarios that occur in divorces. Finding a Certified Divorce Coach should assure you that you are working with someone who understands how to help you.
How Your Employment Can Affect Your Divorce Agreement
State divorce laws will not allow you to gain an advantage in support payments by quitting your job or not searching for a job. Your child support and spousal maintenance can be based on what you are realistically capable of earning. Courts will not offer much sympathy to people who try to cheat the system by creating an artificial need for support. If you are capable of working, you are expected to keep your job or try to find one.
Leaving Your Job
Courts determine child support and spousal maintenance payments based mostly each spouse’s income. Thus, a spouse could seemingly reduce his or her child support obligation and qualify for spousal maintenance if he or she was unemployed. You will not fool the court if you voluntarily leave your job in order to gain an advantage. The court will instead base your income on what you are capable of earning. However, there is a difference between quitting a job and leaving a job because it conflicts with your parenting time. As a single parent, you may need to look after your children during the hours you normally work. A court may be understanding in this situation but will expect you to look for another job that fits your schedule or to find childcare services.
Planning Your Divorce Conversation with Your Children
Telling your children about your divorce will be as difficult of a conversation for you as when you and your spouse first discussed divorce. Both are stressful and emotional, but your conversation with your children may be more upsetting for you depending on their reaction. Just as with your spouse, it will help to plan your conversation with your children. This will be a traumatic milestone in their lives, and you should avoid thoughtless mistakes that will make the experience worse than it needs to be.
Timing
You should tell your children about your divorce soon after you have made your decision, but a slight delay may be necessary to find an optimal time and place. Ideally, the conversation should:
- Include both parents and all of your children together; and
- Take place when none of you have any immediate responsibilities afterward, such as the beginning of a weekend.
Can You Be Too Amicable in Your Divorce?
An amicable divorce is often healthiest for both parties, but there is such a thing as being overly nice to your spouse during the process. Some divorcees give up too much during the negotiations or do not ask for enough information from their spouse. The process may have been peaceful, but the divorcee ended up with an agreement that did not meet his or her needs. Being amicable during your divorce means being reasonable and calm, but you must be willing to advocate for yourself.
Why People Are Too Amicable
Spouses should try to conduct an amicable divorce because they want to reach a fair and timely resolution. People who seek a quick divorce with little discussion or arguments may instead be motivated by:
- Wanting to finish the divorce quickly because the process is uncomfortable;
- Having a natural tendency to avoid conflict with others;
- Being concerned about pleasing others;
Four Reasons You May Need a Forensic Accountant for Your Divorce
Forensic accountants investigate personal and business financial records and analyze the information that they find. Divorce attorneys often work with forensic accountants in complex and contested cases. You may question whether you need the added expense of a forensic accountant for your divorce, but there are several reasons why hiring one is vital when going through a high-asset divorce:
- Your Marital Properties Are Numerous and Diverse: Are you confident that you could name all of your marital assets if someone asked you to? Your spouse may have luxury items, properties, business interests and benefits accounts, some of which you have never seen. Forensic accountants know which properties are common in a high-asset divorce and how to find them.
- Differentiating Between Marital and Non-Marital Properties Is Complicated: Claiming that properties are non-marital allows your spouse to exclude them from the division of property. However, a property that only your spouse uses is still a marital property if he or she used marital money to purchase or maintain it. Forensic accountants can track how your spouse paid for a property that he or she claims is non-marital. If it is marital property, then your spouse must compensate you if he or she wants to keep it.
Calling Character Witnesses During a Parenting Case
You are most likely to use a subpoena during your divorce when you need your spouse to turn over important documents related to your marital finances. Using subpoenas on potential witnesses has become less common in Illinois since the state made all divorces no-fault cases. When spouses needed to prove fault in a divorce, they called on character witnesses to support claims of infidelity or immorality. Character witnesses can still be useful during a divorce when you are trying to establish the allocation of parental responsibilities.
What Witnesses Provide
You may be concerned about leaving your children alone with your spouse if he or she can be irresponsible or abusive. However, a court may believe your own testimony on the subject to be biased because you could benefit from portraying your spouse as an unfit parent. A third-party witness would support your claims by testifying that he or she saw your spouse:
Divorcing Someone with Addiction Problems
Your spouse’s addiction can take a toll on your marriage and eventually lead to divorce. You may feel guilty about leaving your spouse when he or she needs help, but your own health and safety are also important. You spouse may:
- Betray your trust in order to feed his or her addiction;
- Squander your money to pay for the addiction;
- Be less physically or emotionally intimate with you;
- Behave erratically or violently; or
- Put you and your children in dangerous situations.
Your spouse’s addiction will affect how you settle your divorce and what your spouse is likely to receive from the agreement.
Parental Rights
Your spouse may have a limited allocation of parental responsibilities if he or she is still dealing with addiction. A divorce court must consider each parent’s fitness when dividing parenting time. A person with addiction problems may be an unfit parent because he or she may:
Give Teens a Say in Post-Divorce Holiday Plans
Teenagers can react differently to their first holiday season after a divorce than a younger child will. Younger children are more open about feeling sad or upset, while teenagers may try to suppress their emotions so as not to create turmoil. As a result, they may seem disinterested and unenthusiastic about the holidays but are actually upset and possibly angry. You need to approach your teenager differently than you would a young child when deciding on how to handle parenting time during the holidays.
Making Decisions
Teenagers generally seek more independence as they near adulthood. A divorce forces a change upon them, taking away their ability to control their family lives. They may feel like they cannot decide how and with whom they will celebrate the holidays. You can give them a sense of control by talking to them before deciding:
- Which holiday traditions you will continue;
Protecting Yourself Against Identity Theft During Divorce
Going through a divorce can put you at risk of identity theft by your spouse, who knows much of your personal information and may be motivated to use it against you. He or she may steal your identity for financial gain or revenge. Even if your spouse has no history of stealing from you, the stress of divorce may cause him or her to behave unusually. If you do not protect yourself in time, identity theft can drain your financial resources and ruin your credit rating.
Prevention
You should act during your divorce as though your personal information is vulnerable, even if the likelihood that your spouse would steal your identity seems remote. Your spouse knows enough about you to circumvent some of the security measures that protect your private accounts. At the beginning of your divorce, you should:
- Run a credit report so you are aware of all the financial accounts you are connected to and may be liable for;
How to Announce Your Divorce Through Social Media
Telling each person you know individually about your divorce can be exhausting and stressful. It also creates many socially awkward situations where the person is not sure how to respond to the news. You would feel relieved if you could just tell them all at the same time. Social media makes this possible in ways that previous generations did not have. However, you must carefully plan out when and how you make the announcement because it will determine how people respond to the news:
- Tell Your Closest Friends First: There is no avoiding having a conversation about your divorce with your family and closest friends. They deserve to hear the news from you personally because they may be emotionally invested in your relationship. Think of how you would feel if you learned about your best friend’s divorce through a Facebook announcement. Your friends can also be your allies when making your larger announcement.