Recent Blog Posts
Planning a Family Summer Vacation After Divorce
After the stress of completing your divorce, you deserve a summer vacation to help yourself relax and find some enjoyment. Just as importantly, your children need the positive experience of a summer trip as a consolation for the turmoil in their personal lives. However, it is different to plan a family vacation as a single parent after divorce. You must consider the rights of your co-parent and your own financial limitations when deciding on a trip.
Parenting Schedule
Before you plan a long vacation with your children, you should remember that the parenting schedule from your divorce dictates when your children must be with their other parent. The schedule may conflict with vacation plans because:
- It is uncommon for parents to have a block of uninterrupted parenting time that lasts more than four or five days; and
How Much of a Personal Injury Award Goes Towards Child Support?
Each parent’s net income helps determine the total child support obligation owed to pay for the expenses of raising their shared children. Illinois’ Supreme Court has defined child support income as a gain to a parent’s wealth that allows him or her to better support the children. Income commonly comes from recurring sources such as job wages and gifts but also includes one-time, lump-sum payments, such as a personal injury award. A sudden gain of thousands of dollars changes the amount of money a parent has available to pay child support, at least temporarily. However, Illinois courts do not count the entire personal injury award as part of a parent’s child support income. A recent case helped define how much of the award can go towards child support.
Break Down
The total award or settlement in a personal injury case is meant to pay for specific damages related to the injury, including:
Is Divorce Harder for Men or Women?
The effects of divorce can be difficult for spouses to handle, both emotionally and financially. However, some spouses seem to feel a greater effect and have greater difficulty adjusting. The fairness of the divorce agreement and the personality traits of each party can determine how people respond to divorce. Divorce researchers also wonder whether a spouse’s gender can predict how a divorce will affect him or her. Divorcees seem more likely to face certain challenges depending on their gender, but this idea may be based on gender stereotypes.
Problems for Women
Wives are often thought of as being more sensitive to their emotions and having less lucrative careers than their husbands. When applicable, these traits can have negative consequences for women:
- Women may identify themselves more by their marriage and family role than men do;
- A woman who made her own ambitions secondary to her marriage is less capable of supporting herself;
Consequences of High-Conflict Divorce for Parents and Children
The aftermath of a high-conflict divorce can leave both parties with emotional wounds that take time to heal. However, the wounds inflicted on the children of the divorce can be deeper and affect a child’s mental health and relationship with his or her parents. When parents fail to shelter their children from their high-conflict divorce, the children can become resentful towards their parents and disillusioned towards relationships in general. Parents must act quickly to repair the damage that their contentious divorce has caused their children.
Problems with High-Conflict Divorce
Parents may believe they are doing enough to protect their children from their divorce arguments by not lashing out at them. However, witnessing the conflict is still damaging to the children. Divorcing parents can also indirectly involve their children in their conflicts by disparaging each other around the children or using the children as messengers. Parents who are absorbed in their high-conflict divorce may fail to provide adequate attention to their children’s emotional needs. As a result, the children may:
Steps Needed for Financial Success After Divorce
Much of your work during your divorce will go towards ensuring that you are financially viable afterward. Through the division of property, you will lose assets that you may have been counting on for both your short-term stability and long-term investing. Holding onto key assets and establishing fair support payments is vital in reworking your financial plan. However, your divorce agreement is a starting point and not the end goal. You must follow through with wise decisions so as not to squander your hard work during the divorce.
Immediate Actions
When your divorce becomes officials, there are several changes you must make to acknowledge that you are no longer married:
- Canceling Joint Credit Cards: You do not want your credit rating to be tied to the financial decisions that your former spouse makes moving forward. If you had shaky credit with your spouse, establishing your own line of credit will help you improve your record.
How Dads, Kids Can Cope with Father's Day Apart
Father’s Day can have added significance for both a dad and his children after divorce. Fathers are more often the parent that receives less parenting time after the divorce. So, the holiday is a time dedicated to reaffirming the relationship between a divorced father and his children. Unfortunately, divorced fathers do not always see their children on Father’s Day:
- The father may live far enough away that visits are difficult;
- The schedules of either the father or the children may interfere with a visit; or
- The father may have restricted access to the children as part of the parenting plan.
There are ways that fathers and their children can ease the emotional pain of not being together on Father’s Day. In some cases, the mother can help, as well:
- Choose a Makeup Date: There is no law saying that you can only celebrate Father’s Day on a specific day of the year. Fathers and their children can pick a date that works for them as their unofficial Father’s Day. They can have all of the same festivities that would be part of a normal Father’s Day celebration. The only difference between the new date and the official date is that the father and his children may need to plan more things on their own. They will not be able to rely on public events recognizing Father’s Day.
Answering Common Doubts When Deciding to Divorce
There are situations where the decision to divorce is fairly obvious and the best choice for your own health and safety. Divorce is necessary if you have an abusive spouse that is a danger to yourself and your children. It is also understandable if your spouse has betrayed you in a way that you do not feel you can forgive, such as infidelity. However, there are many instances when the two spouses are unsure whether divorce is the right decision. Once spouses start the process of divorce, it is very rare that they change their minds and continue their marriage. It is normal to have doubts when considering divorce, but you must identify whether they are enough of a reason to stay in your marriage. Here are three reasons spouses hesitate to divorce and possible arguments against those doubts:
- The Divorce Will Hurt My Children: It is undeniable that your divorce will affect your children and likely in a negative way. There will be tears, anger and general confusion about why you decided to divorce. However, you must consider what damage your unhealthy marriage is doing to your children. Are you openly fighting with your spouse? Are you often agitated because you are unhappy in your marriage? What example is your marriage setting for your children? You may become a better parent by eliminating the negativity of your marriage.
Using Family Law to Combat Parental Alienation
A selfish and cruel co-parent may purposely try to turn your children against you in order to damage your relationship with them. There is a psychological term for this practice, called parental alienation. Psychologists have an ongoing debate about whether Parental Alienation Syndrome is a mental disorder, but there is little doubt that a parent who is alienating his or her children against the other parent can cause emotional and psychological damage to the children. If you are the victim of parental alienation, you may need to go to family court to reassert your parental rights and protect your children.
Identifying Alienation
Parental alienation is different from situations where children have limited contact with a parent because the parent is a legitimate danger or has failed to maintain a relationship. Alienation involves one parent undermining a child’s relationship with the other parent for vindictive or selfish reasons. A parent may cause alienation by:
Illinois Ratifies ERA, But Gender Neutrality Already Exists in Divorce Laws
Illinois' Congress recently ratified the federal Equal Rights Amendment, making Illinois the 37th state to do so. The deadline for states to approve the amendment expired decades ago, but ERA advocates believe that reaching the 38-state requirement now would still allow the amendment to be enacted. ERA opponents have long argued that the amendment would allow federal overreach into state laws and diminish women’s rights in certain areas, including divorce and family law. However, Illinois divorce laws already include gender neutrality in their language.
ERA and Family Law
The ERA that the U.S. Congress approved is comprised of three sections, that state:
- A person’s sex cannot be used to deny him or her equal rights;
- Congress can use appropriate legislation to enforce the equal rights; and
Be Careful with Online Dating After Gray Divorce
People who divorce after age 50 may feel an urgency to start dating again and find a new romantic partner. You do not like the sudden loneliness you feel after decades of being married. There is also a heightened sense of your biological clock ticking and wanting to start a relationship while you can still enjoy it. You will learn that the dating process has changed since the time you met your former spouse. Online dating websites have in many ways taken the place of singles bars and other such venues. The prospect of meeting your match from the comfort of your computer can be both exciting and scary. Gray divorcees must be careful when using online dating services. Bad experiences can drain your post-divorce assets and damage your vulnerable psyche.
What is Online Dating?
Online dating sites are essentially social media sites for the purpose of starting relationships or friendships. As a member, you will create a profile that includes: