Posted on April 17, 2018 in Child Custody

A proposed bill in the Illinois House of Representatives has brought the debate over 50/50 parenting time arrangements to the forefront of family law discussions. The bill would create a legal presumption that it is in the best interest of children that parents have an equal share of parenting time after separation. Illinois courts currently presume the opposite when left to determine the division of parenting time. If passed, the law would be considered a win for fathers, who are less likely to receive a majority of parenting time when the time is unevenly divided.

Default Position

There is a consensus amongst parents and family law courts that children are best served when both parents are an active part of their lives. The disagreement is over how much parenting time each side needs to be an effective parent:

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 Posted on April 16, 2018 in Divorce

Divorcing parents are told to watch for signs of emotional regression in their children. The stress of the divorce can cause some children to revert to behavior patterns that parents thought they had gotten past, such as:

• Thumb-sucking;
• Bed-wetting;
• Crying to express their emotions; and
• Separation anxiety.

Teens can react in various ways that range from being rebellious to being overly compliant. However, adults getting a divorce may not realize that they are also experiencing emotional regression. The effect is often temporary but can do lasting damage to their relationships with others.

Heightened Emotions

Emotional regression does not mean that adults start sucking their thumbs or behaving like rebellious teenagers. The regression may amplify worst parts of their personalities. For instance:

• An anxious person may start having panic attacks;

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 Posted on April 11, 2018 in Divorce and Finances

The alimony deduction for federal income taxes has been in the spotlight this year because of looming changes to the federal tax law. As previously discussed, divorcees who finalize their divorce after December 31, 2018 will no longer be able to claim the spousal maintenance they pay as a tax deduction or be required to report payments they receive as taxable income. Child support payments are already treated in this way. People with existing divorce agreements or who finalize their divorce before 2019 should be able to continue using the alimony deduction (in which the payor is allowed to deduct alimony from their taxable income, and the recipient must report alimony as taxable income) indefinitely, although the long-term consequences of the new law are still unclear. However, there are other ways in which divorce affects how you file your taxes.

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 Posted on April 06, 2018 in Divorce

It is not just an empty platitude when people tell you that you do not have to go through your divorce alone. A happy and successful divorcee often has a team of people helping him or her out. Your divorce attorney may be the most important member of your divorce support team because he or she will lead you through the complex legal process. However, there are more support team members that can help you in other areas during your divorce.

Financial Support

Your attorney should be versed in the financial necessities of your divorce, but it can help to work with a financial professional. If you are unsure of who to use, your attorney may be able to recommend someone to you. A financial planner can advise you about:

• Creating a sustainable personal budget for after your divorce;
• Identifying key properties from your marriage;

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 Posted on April 03, 2018 in Children and Divorce

Children often experience the least amount of trauma from their parents’ divorce when it occurs before they are old enough to form memories. There will eventually be sadness and questions when they realize that a two-parent household is considered normal, but they do not grasp the immediate split between their parents. However, children become capable of noticing their parents’ divorce at a younger age than parents may expect. By age 2, children can start to create memories, some of which may be traumatic if they involve divorce.

Emotional Sensitivity

Toddlers are incapable of understanding a verbal explanation as to what a divorce is and why it happens. However, they can pick up on changes in their environment, such as:

• Parents fighting with each other more often;
• An increased absence by one parent;
• Disruptions to their routines; and

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 Posted on March 29, 2018 in Divorce

One of the final signs that you have moved beyond your divorce is no longer holding a grudge against your former spouse. Letting go of resentment is often equated with forgiveness, but the two are not always the same. Some wrongs during a marriage are difficult to forgive and should not be forgotten for safety reasons. For instance, you should continue to be careful when having contact with a former spouse who abused you. In many cases, forgiveness can take years to reach, during which part of you is unable to fully invest yourself in new relationships. For some divorcees, accepting their former spouse’s actions is a more realistic immediate goal than forgiving them.

Problems with Forgiveness

Forgiving someone for his or her wrongdoing against you is still the best possible resolution to your post-divorce resentment. However, it is difficult to reach that point because:

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 Posted on March 24, 2018 in Divorce

When you are considering divorce, you will have many questions about the process and its eventual outcome, such as:

• Will the divorce make me happier?;
• Will I be able to support myself on my own?; and
• Will I still be able to see my children?

You probably know someone who has been through a divorce and may figure that this person can help you answer these questions. That person may tell you horror stories about how miserable the process was and how unhappy he or she is now. However, it is unwise to establish expectations for your divorce based on someone else’s divorce experience. There are too many ways that your divorce may be different from that of a friend:

1. Personalities at Work: A high conflict divorce is traumatic but not the experience that everyone goes through. Spouses can have an amicable divorce by starting with a spirit of cooperation. If your friend had a contentious divorce, you should consider whether your friend has a personality prone towards conflict.

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 Posted on March 21, 2018 in Child Custody

Children of divorce can have difficulty adjusting to living at a parent’s new home during scheduled parenting time. An unfamiliar house or apartment is a physical manifestation of the changes happening in a child’s life after divorce. The parent in the new home must create a familiar and comforting environment for the children. The other parent should try to put the children at ease about the new living environment. Both parents should cooperate to make a smoother transition, for the betterment of their children if not for each others’ sakes.

Preparations

Helping children adjust to a new parental home starts with the other parent at the primary home. Having two homes is an unfamiliar concept that likely makes the children nervous. It is also unavoidable as long as both sides have parenting time. Children can grow more comfortable with the concept and gain a sense of control by helping:

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 Posted on March 19, 2018 in Divorce

Part of the social aspect of getting a divorce is telling other people about the news. For family and close friends, you will have a personalized conversation that considers their emotions and gives them chances to ask questions. For casual acquaintances, a standard speech is appropriate and often easier for you than having an open-ended conversation. To borrow a business networking term, you should develop a divorce elevator speech as an automatic reply to anyone who asks about your divorce.

Purpose of an Elevator Speech

You do not have the time or emotional energy to get into a long conversation about your divorce with everyone you know. Some casual acquaintances will ask you questions about your divorce because they are curious and inquisitive by nature. An elevator speech gets its name because it is short and succinct enough that you can say it to someone while riding in an elevator, which usually takes one-to-two minutes. With an elevator speech, you want to:

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 Posted on March 15, 2018 in Divorce

Divorcing before the age of 30 is uncommon today, partially because people are waiting longer to get married. People who do divorce at a young age face some social stigma. Their friends and family may question whether the couple:

• Rushed into the marriage;
• Quit on the marriage too soon;
• Were too immature to be married;
• Do not take relationships and marriage seriously; or
• Could not sustain the marriage because of personality flaws.

It is unfair to judge people’s marriages and divorces based on their age. Younger couples can enter marriage for mature reasons, and older couples can make mistakes in getting married. Unfortunately, young divorcees may be the ones doubting themselves the most. They should remember the positive aspects of divorcing while they are still young:

1. Chance for Reset: People who wait until they are older to divorce have less time to start over with a new relationship. Young divorcees are at an age when many people have not yet married. There is ample time for them to start a new relationship, get married and have a family.

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