Posted on April 27, 2018 in Divorce

In practical terms, there is no way to ensure that you will never divorce because relationships are too complex to know how you will feel about your marriage in the future. Resolving to never divorce out of principal only means you will have trapped yourself if your marriage turns sour. Your marriage goal should not be to avoid divorce but to build a strong and lasting relationship. If your marriage becomes untenable despite these efforts, you can decide to divorce knowing that you gave your marriage your best effort. There are several keys to creating a strong marriage:

1. Compassion Before Criticism: It is easy to find the flaws in your spouse because you are intimately aware of each other. In some cases, you need to point out a mistake for the betterment of your spouse. However, there are kinder ways to talk about it than directly criticizing him or her. You should expend more energy on supporting your spouse in making good decisions than pointing out his or her mistakes. It is better to be the lone cheerleader than join a chorus of critics.

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 Posted on April 24, 2018 in Divorce and Finances

Illinois divorce courts consider workers’ compensation benefits and personal injury damages much the same way as other properties. They are marital property if they originated during the marriage. Any compensation awarded before or after the marriage is non-marital property. Determining which status applies can be crucial because injury compensation is often lucrative:

• Workers’ compensation covers medical costs and gives periodic payments to replace lost income due to temporary or permanent disability; and
• Personal injury compensation is usually a lump sum but can be more valuable than workers’ compensation because it includes pain and suffering.

Even when injury compensation is not a marital property, it can still affect spousal maintenance and child support payments.

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 Posted on April 20, 2018 in Child Custody

As discussed in our previous post, a group of Illinois lawmakers and parental rights activists are trying to change the state’s stance toward equal parenting time. The proposed legislation would instruct courts to presume that a 50/50 division of parenting time is in the best interest of the children unless the parents can prove otherwise. The change could result in an increase in the number of 50/50 parenting agreements that courts approve. However, what are the logistical consequences of equal parenting time? There are ways that such a division changes how parents construct their agreements.

Parenting Schedule

An equal division of parenting time requires a more complex parenting time schedule than with a more traditional agreement. The parents can use:

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 Posted on April 17, 2018 in Child Custody

A proposed bill in the Illinois House of Representatives has brought the debate over 50/50 parenting time arrangements to the forefront of family law discussions. The bill would create a legal presumption that it is in the best interest of children that parents have an equal share of parenting time after separation. Illinois courts currently presume the opposite when left to determine the division of parenting time. If passed, the law would be considered a win for fathers, who are less likely to receive a majority of parenting time when the time is unevenly divided.

Default Position

There is a consensus amongst parents and family law courts that children are best served when both parents are an active part of their lives. The disagreement is over how much parenting time each side needs to be an effective parent:

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 Posted on April 16, 2018 in Divorce

Divorcing parents are told to watch for signs of emotional regression in their children. The stress of the divorce can cause some children to revert to behavior patterns that parents thought they had gotten past, such as:

• Thumb-sucking;
• Bed-wetting;
• Crying to express their emotions; and
• Separation anxiety.

Teens can react in various ways that range from being rebellious to being overly compliant. However, adults getting a divorce may not realize that they are also experiencing emotional regression. The effect is often temporary but can do lasting damage to their relationships with others.

Heightened Emotions

Emotional regression does not mean that adults start sucking their thumbs or behaving like rebellious teenagers. The regression may amplify worst parts of their personalities. For instance:

• An anxious person may start having panic attacks;

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 Posted on April 11, 2018 in Divorce and Finances

The alimony deduction for federal income taxes has been in the spotlight this year because of looming changes to the federal tax law. As previously discussed, divorcees who finalize their divorce after December 31, 2018 will no longer be able to claim the spousal maintenance they pay as a tax deduction or be required to report payments they receive as taxable income. Child support payments are already treated in this way. People with existing divorce agreements or who finalize their divorce before 2019 should be able to continue using the alimony deduction (in which the payor is allowed to deduct alimony from their taxable income, and the recipient must report alimony as taxable income) indefinitely, although the long-term consequences of the new law are still unclear. However, there are other ways in which divorce affects how you file your taxes.

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 Posted on April 06, 2018 in Divorce

It is not just an empty platitude when people tell you that you do not have to go through your divorce alone. A happy and successful divorcee often has a team of people helping him or her out. Your divorce attorney may be the most important member of your divorce support team because he or she will lead you through the complex legal process. However, there are more support team members that can help you in other areas during your divorce.

Financial Support

Your attorney should be versed in the financial necessities of your divorce, but it can help to work with a financial professional. If you are unsure of who to use, your attorney may be able to recommend someone to you. A financial planner can advise you about:

• Creating a sustainable personal budget for after your divorce;
• Identifying key properties from your marriage;

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 Posted on April 03, 2018 in Children and Divorce

Children often experience the least amount of trauma from their parents’ divorce when it occurs before they are old enough to form memories. There will eventually be sadness and questions when they realize that a two-parent household is considered normal, but they do not grasp the immediate split between their parents. However, children become capable of noticing their parents’ divorce at a younger age than parents may expect. By age 2, children can start to create memories, some of which may be traumatic if they involve divorce.

Emotional Sensitivity

Toddlers are incapable of understanding a verbal explanation as to what a divorce is and why it happens. However, they can pick up on changes in their environment, such as:

• Parents fighting with each other more often;
• An increased absence by one parent;
• Disruptions to their routines; and

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 Posted on March 29, 2018 in Divorce

One of the final signs that you have moved beyond your divorce is no longer holding a grudge against your former spouse. Letting go of resentment is often equated with forgiveness, but the two are not always the same. Some wrongs during a marriage are difficult to forgive and should not be forgotten for safety reasons. For instance, you should continue to be careful when having contact with a former spouse who abused you. In many cases, forgiveness can take years to reach, during which part of you is unable to fully invest yourself in new relationships. For some divorcees, accepting their former spouse’s actions is a more realistic immediate goal than forgiving them.

Problems with Forgiveness

Forgiving someone for his or her wrongdoing against you is still the best possible resolution to your post-divorce resentment. However, it is difficult to reach that point because:

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 Posted on March 24, 2018 in Divorce

When you are considering divorce, you will have many questions about the process and its eventual outcome, such as:

• Will the divorce make me happier?;
• Will I be able to support myself on my own?; and
• Will I still be able to see my children?

You probably know someone who has been through a divorce and may figure that this person can help you answer these questions. That person may tell you horror stories about how miserable the process was and how unhappy he or she is now. However, it is unwise to establish expectations for your divorce based on someone else’s divorce experience. There are too many ways that your divorce may be different from that of a friend:

1. Personalities at Work: A high conflict divorce is traumatic but not the experience that everyone goes through. Spouses can have an amicable divorce by starting with a spirit of cooperation. If your friend had a contentious divorce, you should consider whether your friend has a personality prone towards conflict.

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