Posted on January 02, 2018 in Divorce

There is an important difference between feeling regret and feeling guilt during your divorce. With regret, you are thinking about the mistakes that lead to your divorce. It is best not to linger on regrets, but identifying them can help you learn from your divorce and heal. With guilt, you are blaming yourself for the divorce occurring, even though such a feeling is often inaccurate and unproductive. People who believe they are to blame for their divorces may want to punish themselves during the divorce negotiations. Divorcees must separate feelings of guilt from how they reach a settlement on financial issues and the allocation of parental responsibilities.

Reasons for Guilt

It helps to identify why you feel guilty when you are blaming yourself for your divorce. Understanding the source of your guilt allows you to rationalize whether it is fair to say you are at fault for the divorce. There are various reasons people may blame themselves for their divorces, including:

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 Posted on December 29, 2017 in Children and Divorce

New Year’s resolutions are about finding ways to improve yourself, with the noticeable passage of time as the impetus. If you are concerned about your deteriorating relationship with your children after your divorce or separation, you can resolve to be a better parent. You have a finite amount of time to form an emotional bond with your children while they are still at the age when they look towards you for guidance. Here are five tips that may help you improve as a parent for the new year:

1. Increase Contact: Your children need to notice your presence in order to develop a relationship with you. You can try to increase your share of parenting time, though it may be impractical depending upon distance and schedules. There are alternatives to physical contact with your children, such as phone calls, video chats and emails. Electronic communication allows continued interaction without worrying about transportation or clearing your schedule for most of the day.

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 Posted on December 26, 2017 in Divorce and Finances

When one person in a marriage is eligible to receive federal disability benefits, both spouses may come to rely upon the payments. The benefits are meant to make up for the spouse’s inability to secure employment. If the couple divorces, the disabled spouse will likely see his or her disability benefits unaffected or increased. The non-disabled spouse may individually receive benefits, depending on which program the disabled spouse is using.

SSI vs. SSDI

Any person age 65 or older or an adult with a qualifying disability may apply for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Social Security Disability Income (SSDI). The difference between the two has to do with work experience and financial need:

• Disabled adults earn SSDI benefits by accumulating work credits at jobs where they contributed to social security. A spouse and dependent children can receive auxiliary benefits; and

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 Posted on December 22, 2017 in Prenuptial & Postnuptial Agreements

After finishing your divorce, you likely feel that you never want to go through that experience again. Divorce is naturally cumbersome, uncomfortable and depressing. However, many divorcees have not given up on the institution of marriage if they meet the right person. You may feel more cautious about getting married, which is actually a smart approach. Something went wrong in your first marriage, and you want to avoid making the same mistakes. Your divorce should serve as a lesson if you plan to remarry.

Be Patient

The reasons for your failed marriage should give you a better idea of the qualities you are looking for in a partner and what you want to avoid. With this profile in mind, you may feel emboldened to enter a serious relationship with the first person who checks all of those boxes. However, your first marriage taught you that it takes time to learn someone’s true nature. You likely felt that your first spouse was a perfect match before you married. Be more patient in getting to know your partner in a new relationship before entering a commitment.

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 Posted on December 19, 2017 in Property Division

Determining pet custody is complicated in a divorce because it involves aspects of the division of marital property and traditional custody concerns. Illinois’ divorce laws define pets as property, which can be marital or non-marital depending on when ownership started. However, most owners think of their pets in a way that is similar to children. A new Illinois law, going into effect at the start of 2018, changes how pet ownership is treated in a divorce to more closely align with how many owners think of them. Pets are a responsibility that can be shared between divorcing spouses, instead of merely a property that one party gets to keep.

Terminology

The law introduces terms that are important to understanding the nature of pet custody during a divorce:

• Pets are called companion animals, showing that they were obtained for recreational purposes;

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 Posted on December 16, 2017 in Divorce

Long periods of separation can precede a couple’s decision to divorce. Spouses might obtain a legal separation or simply choose to try living apart before they decide on divorce. The separation will have little effect on the divorce process if the spouses live in the same area. In fact, it can make the dissolution of the marriage easier because Illinois presumes irreconcilable differences when a couple lives apart for at least six months. However, living in a different county or state changes where a spouse is allowed to file for divorce. The location of a divorce case can influence how it is settled.

Residency Requirements

Spouses can file for divorce in any state, as long as one of them is a permanent resident. Each state has a residency requirement in order to qualify to file for divorce there. For instance, Illinois requires a person to live in the state for 90 days. When each spouse qualifies for residency in a different state, the divorce hearings will take place in whichever state the divorce is first filed in. If the other spouse files for divorce in his or her own state afterwards, his or her filing may be dismissed because there is already an active divorce case.

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 Posted on December 12, 2017 in Child Custody

One of the difficulties when separate parents raise children is how to handle conflicting beliefs. Parents may have different opinions on:

• What their children's religious beliefs should be;
• Which medical treatments should be allowed; and
• What they should eat.

Decisions about how to raise children must be made with their best interests in mind, but what is best for the children is subjective in these cases, which are more about personal preference. A family court is unlikely to intervene in these disputes, unless a parent’s beliefs are harmful to the child.

Religion

The freedom to exercise religious beliefs is part of the First Amendment in the U.S. Constitution. Thus, a court cannot decide which parent’s religion the children must follow. The parents are left to make that decision themselves as part of their divorce agreement or as a personal understanding. The exception is when religious beliefs cause harm to a child. In the worst cases, religious practices can:

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 Posted on December 07, 2017 in Divorce

Getting a divorce is like hitting the reset button on your life. Without your marriage, you are more free to decide what kind of person you are and what you want to do. For some, the best way to start a new life is to move to a new town. There are many reasons why people relocate after divorce:

• They are pursuing new jobs or careers;
• They want to distance themselves from their former spouses;
• They want to move closer to family or friends;
• It is easier to redefine themselves in a place where people do not know them; and
• They are finally free to move to a location where they have long wanted to live.

However, moving to a new town is a difficult adjustment for anyone, let alone someone who has just ended his or her marriage. Before deciding to move after your divorce, you should be aware of the complications that come with it.

Parenting Issues

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 Posted on December 04, 2017 in Divorce

When going through a divorce, the financial resources that each party has can be used to his or her advantage. Having available money allows a party to hire and retain a skilled divorce attorney to help during the case. Conversely, a party who lacks financial resources may worry about his or her ability to pay attorney fees. Spouses with less money can be at a disadvantage in hiring the attorneys they want and being able to keep them during the divorce. Illinois lawmakers do not want unequal financial resources to determine which spouse receives a better divorce settlement. Thus, they added a section to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act that allows a spouse to request that the other spouse help pay for attorney fees.

Leveling the Playing Field

Illinois’ divorce law states that a spouse may request temporary relief from the other spouse for interim attorney fees and costs during a divorce case. The purpose of the law is to ensure that both spouses have equal access to legal representation during the divorce process. Thus, a court will grant temporary relief only if it believes the requesting spouse needs money to pay for adequate legal resources. Considerations include:

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 Posted on November 29, 2017 in Divorce

Learning that you or your partner is infertile can be one of the most difficult challenges a marriage will face. Your feelings may be similar to how you would react to a death: grief, denial, anger, depression and acceptance. In a way, you are mourning the loss of a biological child you and your partner will never share. Amid the grief and seeking alternative means to have children, it is easy to miss signs that your marriage is in trouble. Infertility can bring a couple closer together but can also cause a division that leads to divorce.

Emotional Reaction

Both people in a marriage may feel shock and sadness at the news that one of them is infertile. The infertile spouse often feels guilty and inadequate, especially in the case of women. The other spouse may feel disappointed and uncertain of the future if having children is one of his or her goals in life. Negative emotions can cause couples to react in unhealthy ways, such as:

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